Gene's Daily Digest

1. HOW TO DEAL WITH A TRAFFIC TICKETS AND NOT GET "POINTS"
This system has been tried and it works in every state. If you get a speeding ticket or went through a red light
2. Retirement planning
If you had purchased $1,000.00 of Nortel stock three years go, it would now be worth $49.00.With Enron, you would have had $16.50 left of the original $1,000.00.
3. The Little Red Hen-Modern Version
Once upon a time, on a farm in Texas, there was a little red hen who scratched about the barnyard until she uncovered quite a few grains of wheat.
4. 25 SIGNS YOU HAVE GROWN UP
A close look at what has changed in you life in the last 25 years.
5. Toyota-Advertisement
The automobile manufactures create some very funny commercials, but this one from Toyota tops them all. Makes you wonder who sets around thinking this stuff up.
6. WHAT'S IN A BILLION?
Here's something thought provoking -The next time you hear a politician use the word "billion" in a casual manner, think about whether you want the "politicians" spending you tax money.
7. Teaching Math
Last week I purchased a burger at Burger King for $1.58. The counter girl took my $2 and I was digging for my change when I pulled 8 cents from my pocket and gave it to her. She stood there
8. Your House
picture of your home as seen through different eye's
9. An elderly couple
An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two gentlemen were tal
10. The Sacred Institution of Marriage
In February in Pattaya, Thailand, the woman who was the former Guinness Book record holder for living in a cage with scorpions was married to the man who holds the equivalent record for time spent
11. Least Competent Criminals
Inexplicable: Phillip Williams, 47, for some reason approached two uniformed police officers in Tampa, Fla., in March to ask their opinions of whether the substance he had just purchased for the crack pipe
12. Science on the Cutting Edge
In work by various labs in the United States, the Netherlands and Australia (reported by Toronto's Globe and Mail in March), meat was grown in test tubes, and such dishes may yet
13. The Landing
Dallas ATC: "Tower to Saudi Air 911--You are cleared to land eastbound on runway 9R."
14. Spiders & Cactus
A true story and its source was the Australian Quarantine Inspection Service in Adelaide.
15. EVIL MUTANT ATTACK SQUIRREL OF DEATH
 never dreamed slowly cruising on my motorcycle through a residential neighborhood could be so incredibly dangerous! Little did I suspect. I was on Brice Street - a very nice neighborhood with perfect lawns
16. Stock Market Report
An update to what is happening in the New York Stock Market Today.
17.

The Dillard's Bag

Clutching their Dillard's shopping bags, Ellen and Kay woefully gazed down at a dead cat in the mall parking lot. Obviously a recent hit---no flies,no smell.

18.

The Diet

The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck.

19.

MEDICAL INSURANCE EXPLAINED

Q. What does HMO stand for? A. This is actually a variation of the phrase, "HEY MOE.", Its roots go back to a concept pioneered by Moe of the Three Stooges,

20.

Burgled

Then Nathan stood in front of the TV cameras and pleaded with the burglars: "Please return the cremated remains of my sister, Gertrude. She died three years ago."

21.

Not a midlife crisis

Married 43 years, took a look at my wife one day and said, "Honey, 43 years ago, we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10 inch black and white TV, but I got to

22.

.Doctors and Guns

(A) The number of doctors in the US is 700,000 (B) Accidental deaths caused by physicians per year are 120,000 (C) Accidental deaths per physician is 17.14%

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24.

Good Advice

On Madam's tombstone (of Whelan and Madam), she said she wanted this epitaph: "Tried everything twice...loved it both times!"



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