This is too funny! This could only be true, you can't make
this stuff up.
Clutching their Dillard's shopping bags, Ellen and Kay woefully
gazed down at a dead cat in the mall parking lot. Obviously a
recent hit---no flies,no smell.
What business could that poor kitty have had here?" murmured
Ellen.
"Come on, Ellen, let's just go..." But Ellen had already grabbed
her shopping bag and was explaining, "I'll just put my things in
your bag,and then I'll take the tissue." She dumped her
purchases into Kay's bag and then used the tissue paper to
cradle and lower the former feline into her own Dillard's bag
and cover it.
They continued the short trek to the car in silence, stashing
their goods in the trunk. But it occurred to both of them that
if they left Ellen's burial bag in the trunk, armed by the Texas
sunshine while they ate,Kay's Lumina would soon lose that
new-car smell.
They decided to leave the bag on top of the trunk, and they
headed over to Luby's Cafeteria.
After they cleared the serving line and sat down at a window
table, they had a view of Kay's Chevy with the Dillard's bag
still on the trunk.
BUT not for long. As they ate, they noticed a black-haired woman
in a red gingham shirt stroll by their car, look quickly this
way and that, and then hook the Dillard's bag without breaking
stride.
She quickly walked out of their line of vision. Kay and Ellen
shot each other a wide-eyed look of amazement. It all happened
so fast that neither of them could think how to respond. "Can
you imagine? " finally sputtered Ellen.
"The nerve of that woman!" Kay sympathized with Ellen, but
inwardly a laugh was building as she thought about the grand
surprise awaiting the red-gingham thief.
Just when she thought she'd have to giggle into her napkin, she
noticed Ellen's eyes freeze in the direction of the serving
line. Following her gaze, Kay recognized with a shock the
black-haired woman with the Dillard's bag, THE Dillard's bag,
hanging from her arm, brazenly pushing her tray toward the
cashier.
Helplessly they watched the scene unfold: After clearing the
register, the woman settled at a table across from theirs, put
the bag on an empty chair and began to eat.
After a few bites of baked whitefish and green beans, she
casually lifted the bag into her lap to survey her treasure.
Looking from side to side, but not far enough to notice her rapt
audience three tables over, she pulled out the tissue paper and
peered into the bag. Her eyes widened, and she began to make a
sort of gasping noise.
The noise grew.
The bag slid from her lap as she sank to the floor, wheezing and
clutching her upper chest.
The beverage cart attendant quickly recognized a customer in
trouble and sent the busboy to call 911, while she administered
the Heimlich maneuver.
A crowd quickly gathered that did not include Ellen and Kay, who
remained riveted to their chairs for seven whole minutes until
the ambulance arrived.
In a matter of minutes the curly-haired woman emerged from the
crowd, still gasping, strapped securely on a gurney.
Two well-trained EMS volunteers steered her to the waiting
ambulance, while a third scooped up her belongings.
The last they saw of the distressed cat-burglar, she disappeared
behind the ambulance doors, the Dillard's bag perched on her
stomach.
My mom always taught me if it doesn't belong to you don't touch
it, guess she didn't have a wise mom like I do. Serves her
right, God does take care of those who do bad things!
